101 Ways to be Attractive – #4: Live Gratefully

Zig Ziglar seems to have thought that we should be grateful for our circumstance. He tells a story about a airline attendant who was on gate duty during a storm when most flights were being delayed, rerouted, or cancelled. By the time Zig got to the agent, this poor agent had really been through the wringer. But Zig asked with a big ol’ smile “How ya doin?” The sarcastic look from the agent told the whole story, but with a few lines of conversation, Zig was able to point out that the agent was going to have a comfortable bed to sleep in that night, a stable job to return to tomorrow, and a full belly in between.

All the agent needed a reminder of was the simple things he had to be grateful for – something we could all use from time-to-time. But this re-framing of his situation allowed the young man to change his perspective on the situation. The punchline? Zig left that ticket counter and the agent with both of them feeling fortunate in their situations.

This “attitude of gratitude” is a powerful thing. Not only will it impact those around you, but they may even start to want to be around you! This works hand-in-hand with another principle to come later: [common] courtesy. I appreciate when someone really appreciates something I do, it helps me to feel good – and makes me want to do it for them again! Gratitude is contagious too – and it works both ways. Imagine giving a great tip to a server who did a great job. The giver feels good and so does the receiver.

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1001 Dates – Idea #2 – Take a Walk

Take a walk. It’s that simple.

Walk around the block. Walk to the corner mart, the grocery store, the library. Walk around your property, walk somewhere. But do it together. With the date-ee (the one to take the date with), of course.

Ask your spouse/S.O./girlfriend/boyfriend to come with you. Catch pokemon. Who cares. If you have kids, take the kids! It can be fun. Look around, see the land around you; notice something that escaped you before – and share it. It’s the sharing that makes it a date … you can take a walk alone, but make it a date on purpose.

Keep calm...

Do it.

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101 Ways to be Attractive – #3: Lose Graciously

I know next to nothing about Andy Griffith, but despite the tongue-in-cheek humor here, there’s something to be learned…

Losing a competition does not mean losing your cool.

In any situation – friendly competition between friends, long-standing local rivals, or the world’s stage of sports – no one likes a sore loser. On the other hand, one may be lauded if a defeat is handled with grace.

There’s lots of reasons to approach defeat or loss in this fashion: it’s an opportunity to learn and grow, professionalism is much more enjoyable than childishness, and tantrums are becoming to no one. Pick a reason, but let’s face it: no one likes a sore loser. Shake hands, chin up, and try again next time. Even consider congratulating the victor(s)!

These choices show maturity, even in the face of non-ideal circumstances. Choosing the mature path in something as simple as a defeat (because let’s face it – it’s likely literally ‘just a game’) will be good training for more difficult scenarios. Someday, swallowing your pride may mean the difference between ruining a relationship and repairing it – between losing a job or keeping it … or even advancing in your field.

As for attractiveness? Well, if sore losers are inherently disliked, then avoiding the disliked is probably a step towards attractiveness. But even more positively: someone able to pick any one of the reasons mentioned above to be a gracious loser has just demonstrated that they have a higher chances of making good choices in a relationship.

And that, my friend, makes you attractive.

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Follow-up to Ways to be Attractive #2 (Listen)

A timely article was on Hacker News: “What Great Listeners Actually Do.”

To summarize – lots of people think they know what makes a great listener … these folks actually collected data to determine the facts. Aside from feeling encouraged that I had mentioned several points then mention in their article, the biggest thing that stuck out to me was the line,

“The best listeners made the conversation a positive experience for the other party…”

A far better way to succinctly describe what I hoped to express in my statement about deference and respect. Check out that article.

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101 Ways to be Attractive – #2: Listen

“Good listener.” Sounds like a positive evaluation for a kindergartner who doesn’t speak much, or a vague description in an online dating profile.

But listening is far more than processing audible impulses. A good listener is occupied with what you are saying, as you are saying it. A good listener can probably make a relevant reply to what you just said. A good listener is actually listening to the content of your sentences – and usually trying to understand.

A good listener is not formatting a rebuttal while you’re still mid-sentence. Good listeners probably won’t cut you off, correct you, or tell you how your sentiment is “close, but not quite right.”

listening-ears-images-listening_ear

Why would someone consider a good listener attractive? Who doesn’t consider a good listener attractive? Good listeners are attractive because they express kindness, deference and respect through the action of listening.

So if you want to be listening-ly-attractive, consider this: When someone else is speaking, are you listening? … or just getting ready to speak?

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101 Ways to be Attractive – #1: Say Please and Thank You

It’s not very hard to thank someone, but it might seem to be rare occurrence. When was the last time someone added “please” when asking you for something? Or said “Thank You” after receivinga given item? True, this isn’t so hard to do around someone you care for…

… if you want to be really attractive, be polite all the time, to everyone you meet. When was the last time you heard someone tell the employee behind the counter “Thank You” at a fast food joint?

thank-you-note

Why is this attractive? If I’m in the habit of treating others politely, it’s likely I’ll continue treating others politely … and a prospective mate can look forward to me treating her politely as well.

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101 Easy Ways to be Attractive

The other day someone asked what they could do to be more “attractive.” It prompted me to think about things that 98% of people find attractive (purely fictitious statistic) … I’m shooting for 101 of these, instead of the 1001 date ideas. Let’s see how it goes…

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